Marge Vs. the Monorail

On this episode of "The Simpsons",
the town has gathered to meet and discuss
how to best spend a recently acquired $3 million.
Marge Simpson makes the suggestion
to use the money to fix the horribly
maintained streets of Springfield.
There is a large show of support for her idea,
but suddenly, a stranger in a colorful suit and hat appears,
and suggests that they use the money instead
to build a monorail in the town
(he is planning to skimp on the cost of the production
and leave town with the extra money
before the shoddily built monorail derails).
The man, Lyle Lanley (voiced by Phil Hartman),
is a dead ringer for Harold Hill,
and he eventually launches into a musical number
in a style reminiscent of "Ya Got Trouble"...

Lyle Lanley
Well, sir, there's nothing on earth like a genuine,   
bonafide, electrified, six-car monorail! 
What'd I say?

Ned Flanders
Monorail!

Lyle Lanley
What's it called?

Patty and Selma
Monorail!

Lyle Lanley
That's right! Monorail!    

(crowd chants "Monorail" softly and rhythmically)

Miss Hoover
I hear those things are awfully loud.

Lyle Lanley
It glides as softly as a cloud.

Apu
Is there a chance the track could bend?

Lyle Lanley
Not on your life, my Hindu friend.

Barney
What about us brain-dead slobs?

Lyle Lanley
You'll all be given cushy jobs.

Abe
Were you sent here by the devil?

Lyle Lanley
No, good sir, I'm on the level.

Chief Wiggum
The ring came off my pudding can.

Lyle Lanley
Take my pen knife, my good man.
I swear it's Springfield's only choice.
Throw up your hands and raise your voice!

All
(singing)
Monorail!

Lyle Lanley
What's it called?

All
Monorail!

Lyle Lanley
Once again...

All
Monorail!

Marge
But Main Street's still all cracked and broken...

Bart
Sorry, Mom, the mob has spoken!

All
(singing)
Monorail! Monorail! Monorail!   

(big finish)

Monorail!

Homer
(not realizing the song's over)
Mono... D'oh!

Home Page